The Image of Me
by Mercury Amazon
Summary: Zero's monologue about his history with Agile, Miaka, X, and Key. Mostly focused on Agile. Strong language and yaoi referneces, be warned.


The Image of Me

**The Image of Me**   
Zero's resolution   
Mercury Amazon 

_I know the sound of each rock and stone_   
_I embrace what others fear_   
_You are not to roam in this forgotten place_   
_Just the likes of me are welcome here_   
_Everything breathes_   
_I know each breath_   
_It's more than enough for this man_   
_Like every tree stands on its own_   
_Reaching for the sky_   
_I stand alone_   
_I share my world with no one else_   
_All by myself, I stand alone_   
_Deep in the darkness my heart still sees_   
_Everything that I will never be_   
_Behind these eyes I go everywhere_   
_There's no need for sympathy_   
_Everything breathes_   
_I know each breath_   
_To me it means life_   
_To others its death_   
_It's perfectly balanced, perfectly planned_   
_More than enough for this man_   
_Still, I will remember_   
_Still, I'll run with you_   
_But when it's time for you to go_   
_Take me in your heart_   
_Like every tree stands on its own_   
_Reaching for the sky_   
_I stand alone_   
_I share my world with no one else_   
_All by myself, I stand alone_   
_-Quest for Camelot_

> > I was just a guy who wanted to help out his friend, you know? 
>> 
>> What's happened to the five of us? Agile, Key, Miaka, X, and myself... Back then the five of us were inseparable. Now, we can't find words at all. We spent half an hour, sitting in silence... mostly because of me. What I said... what Agile said... I'll never forget his words as long as I live. 
>> 
>> "I would kill for the body you have now. I am doomed to watch my children's grandchildren grow old and die while I'm just fine. People used to think Miaka was a hero, and now they hate her because of what I am. Miaka's life is in danger now because of what I am. People will want to kill Aizou because of what I am. I am Agile, Fumetsu. All these people look up to me and love me like I'm some sort of hero. _I ran away_. You can go anywhere you want, you may as well be human. You want a vacation, you can go anywhere in the world. I have the roof..." And he cried... 
>> 
>> Back then, when we first met... it all started with myself and X. X was the first person I met who wasn't afraid of me or pissed off at me. He was so innocent and childlike, I dismissed him as weak. I brushed him off. After all, what use did I have for someone like him? I was a war machine. I was Zero, the feared Red Demon Maverick. I had no need for him. But he never gave up. He told me later that he found in me a challenge. More than that, he wanted to help an outsider. I eventually got used to having him around. 
>> 
>> Miaka was similar. She came to Hunter Headquarters out of curiosity. She was only 21, but she had never met a Reploid. Her mother strictly forbade it. Her mother tried to control every detail of Miaka's life. So of course Miaka went straight to the heart of reploid society- Hunter Headquarters. Where of course she found X and me. I have to admit I was pretty abrasive to her at first. I demanded to know why she wasn't afraid of me. She asked me why she should be. I told her who I was and what I was capable of doing. She seemed unimpressed. She said that I was obviously not a homicidal maniac since she was still alive. She also said I didn't have to be confined to what I was or what narrow path someone defined for me. I was surprised at how close to home she hit. I told her of course that the world saw me as the Red Demon. 
>> 
>> "Then to hell with the world," she said. It's pretty much the sentiment she lives her entire life by. Not only did she defy her mother in coming here, she broke the law by marrying a Reploid. Not only that, she's having his child now, thanks to Professor Shimoto. Miaka just doesn't care for the world much at all. Which is good in its own way. She doesn't have the problems that I do because of it. 
>> 
>> Then there was Agile... he showed up out of nowhere. Although I regularly saw animal-type Reploids, human-type Agile was the strangest I'd ever seen before. Seven feet tall, thin as a reed, dark skin, angular, stylized lilac armor, and almost glowing crimson optics. Not really eyes... but I could see expressions in the nonetheless. He was far more powerful than you would guess to see him. I know I underestimated him when I tested him. I thought I could break him with one hit. He looked so delicate, not threatening or combat oriented like so many of our models. Then he kicked my ass. I'd never seen anyone move quite so fast in my life. He was like the wind. Not even Sigma could move like that. I saw a blur of lilac and then I was hurt. Then I understood his confidence. Most people found it arrogant and annoying. After the fight I asked him who he was. All he said was, "Agile." I had to agree with him on that. I told him he was the best damn fighter I had ever seen, and that I was sure they'd make him a Spartan. 
>> 
>> They made him a Night Viper. 
>> 
>> I think I was more upset about that than he was, just because I knew what an insult it was. I knew that he was better than every Spartan we had. Of course, Agile would never let on that it upset him. Not at that point anyway. At the least people respected me, he didn't eve get that. Agile got the bitch jobs. Luther Cadavann, the Night Viper commander at the time, always took credit for Agile's ideas and hard work. People believed him too. They only saw Agile as an arrogant hotshot who couldn't back up his confidence. People resented him. They never feared him like they feared me. Then again, I was an unholy terror. Plus, I'm bigger than he is. Well, not taller, but bigger, More imposing. And also a lot more likely to beat somebody down. Or at least I was. At any rate, if they had feared him they wouldn't have treated him with such utter disdain. A few low class assholes even harassed him about the color of his skin. That sort of garbage may have been common when I was built, but by this day and age it had faded out considerably. It was just one more barb to throw at Agile because he was different. He didn't deserve the abuse he got. 
>> 
>> I talked to X and Miaka quite a bit about him, progressively more. X pointed out that he felt about me the way I was feeling about Agile. We were both outcasts because of what we were. He had no friends at all here. I wondered how he could go on, facing all of this abuse alone. I decided to reach out to him. He was suspicious of me at first, but I was the only one who ever showed him respect. I started out by volunteering to spar with him. We both equally won and lost. I enjoyed fighting him, and I could tell he did too. He was a surprisingly easygoing person. There was no reason at all that people should hate him. He was too good a person to be treated like that. I invited him to spend time with Miaka, X, and myself. I wasn't totally sure how things would work out with the four of us, but I had faith things would be fine. X took to him immediately, finding in him the same situation as my own. Miaka... well, the two of them argued a lot in the beginning. He found her ardent, militant attitudes amusing. He would say things just to get reactions out of her. She knew it, too, and thoroughly enjoyed their verbal sparring. Although Agile was much smarter (smarter than anyone I know save Key) and more quick-witted than her, she was (and is) damn stubborn. 
>> 
>> I fought hard to get Agile some respect. I went to Sigma himself and threatened physical harm if he didn't give Agile what he deserved. After an hour of arguing, I managed to get him promoted to Regal Dragon. I fought every link in the chain of command for him. 
>> 
>> I was the first one he told about his past. About his creator, Hideaki Suri, who wanted to use him as a killing machine. Believe me, I understood. About his sister Kakumei, whom he was never close to and never saw again until recently. About his eyes... about Suri ripping out his eyes and replacing them with those damned optics. I never knew he was blind... I was stunned. Not because a blind man had beaten me, but that he had to deal with that on top of everything else. He would never see the face of the woman he was growing to love. He would never know what color her hair was, her eyes... All he could see was a wireframe image with data on the side. I felt so sorry for him... sight is something everyone takes for granted, especially we Reploids. I asked him why he never got his eyes rebuilt. He didn't want to give up his scanners- he needed them to stay alive. That, and he told me it was impossible to find parts to properly repair him. He was unique now, one of a kind. (We know that isn't true now, considering he has a twin brother and four sisters, but that's beside the point.) I couldn't imagine living like that. I told him so. He shrugged, and said, "What choice do I have?" I didn't know what to say except that it wasn't right he should be put through so much. 
>> 
>> I told him about my own past... about being built by Wily, about my training... Wily was sadistic. As bad as Light may have been, Light didn't torture. Wily did. To train me to be merciless and cold, he forced me to watch as he tortured his robots. At first, I cried... but the more I saw, the more deadened I became. Until Forte... That was too much for me. They brought him into the lab kicking, snarling, struggling, even biting. they strapped him down, stripped him of his armor, but didn't bother to knock him out. He was awake as wily took apart his body piece by piece and upgraded it to Reploid standard. He bit back cries of pain, not wanting to give Wily the satisfaction. He kept this up for nearly two hours. I watched as Wily put in the claws... I watched them rip through Forte's skin as Wily extended them. That wasn't nearly as bad as when Wily put in Israfel... Forte acted like he was hit by acid when Wily put the Avatar parts into him. Perhaps he was, I was out for my own Avatar installation. Then he tried to activate the Israfel persona and erase Forte. That's when he finally screamed.... He screamed... I never thought he would stop. It was the scream of a damned, forsaken heart. It haunts me even today. I will never forget that, either. 
>> 
>> I had seen so many robots and Reploids suffering because of cruel masters... After hearing Agile's story about Suri, I was resolute. I knew I had to save my kind from such cruelty. I did what little I could for Agile and anyone else I could help. Then of course Sigma went crazy and it all went to hell. 
>> 
>> I remember the last time Key, X, Miaka, Agile and myself stood together as a family. It was the morning of the attack... the one that we never came back from. Miaka hugged all of us, telling us to be careful. Key of course tried to keep everyone lighthearted. X held firm to the belief that everything would be all right. Agile of course was confident. As was I- after all, this was what I was born for. I was worried about X though. War never suited him.We were separated in the initial wave. Miaka went down first... Agile didn't even have a chance to defend her before she was cut down. I remember her scream too... I remember her covered in blood. I remember Agile holding her, shaking her, begging her to wake up. I remember his scream.... I had to pull him away from her to save his life. Too many Mavericks wanted a piece of him, and he was so vulnerable. I turned away just long enough to fight them, and when I turned back, he was gone. I never saw him again. Key was gone too... I assumed he'd been killed as well. X and I were the only ones left. I ran to him and dragged him into Sigma's fortress, using the bloody battle as a distraction. Then I found Vile. I knew we were in trouble, so I charged ahead before X could react. I got an energy cage in my face for my trouble. 
>> 
>> That's when I knew I wasn't leaving alive. Vile's mech completely kicked X's ass. Praying I wouldn't snap and go insane with Avatar power, I tapped Azrael to break out of the cage. I jumped Vile's mecha and blasted it to hell. Unfortunately, I was caught in the blast. Half of my body just evaporated. Things get hazy from there. I remember encouraging X to go on, even though he was the last of us. I told him to find Agile, to tell him goodbye for me... and to try to help Agile live without Miaka. I don't think he was listening to me at all. The last thing I remember is X's tears... 
>> 
>> X... there's so much about the both of us that has changed since the beginning. For one, we love each other now. But there's still the same worry between us. The worry that whatever part is blocked in our minds could lead to us being forced to fight each other. I don't know if X could be so cold... Wily tried damn hard to make me that way. There was a time I would have killed Agile without a problem. But now... If I had to choose between Agile and everyone I have to protect, I don't like what i would do. I feel like I'd be abandoning Agile, which I would be. After all the trouble he went through to get me back, working with Serges and Violen... I was there for him in the beginning. I should still be there now. 
>> 
>> When I woke again, I was confused as hell. I woke up with Shimoto, who I did not know. When I came back, Sigma was gone, X was crazy, Israfel was walking around, Key was a recluse... the only good thing was Agile and Miaka had each other again. I don't know what either was like without the other, but I imagine it wasn't pretty. 
>> 
>> I can't get out of my head the things he said to me. He cried... I've never seen that before. I've seen him need to cry desperately, but he couldn't because he had no eyes. All of my problems seem trivial compared to what he said. I almost wish I could give him this half-human body, but it would never work. Agile... I worked so hard to make this little piece of the world a sanctuary for Reploids. I can't change the world, I know, but I wanted to make this place safe. I wanted a place where people like Agile and Miaka could have a home and not be hated. I've worked damn hard to do it. But it's only one building. Agile is right... but I have to keep fighting. I can't just give up and get mired in self pity. I want this world to accept us. I'll fight to my last breath to make it so. It's not fair I should get such an easy way out. I don't want to be human. I don't want to have it easy while my brothers suffer. But how can I say that to him? He wants to be human. Furthermore, how do I tell him I don't know who I am anymore? Who is Zero? The world sees Zero as a martyr. The government sees Zero as a failure. Wily saw Zero as a tool. Light saw Zero as a demon. X sees Zero as a lover and confidante. Wing sees Zero as a little brother. Key... Who knows about Key anymore? Kanzen sees Zero as a fellow commander. But Zero is not a commander. Zero never was. Zero was just one man who saw a fellow outcast and decided to fight for him. Zero was one man who challenged the world and lost. Strange, as I'm the youngest Noyana brother that I should take responsibility for everyone. I can't do that anymore. I still want to fight for the people that I love. I want to save Agile, Miaka, and Aizou from a cruel world. I used to do that by taking the brunt of the government's and Cain's assaults. I felt pretty invulnerable. Hell, I thought there was nothing they could do to me. 
>> 
>> God was I wrong. 
>> 
>> This body... it doesn't feel like me. It feels totally alien. What was me, my body, is walking around as Zankoku. I know I'll never get that body back, and it's constantly paraded around in front of me. I know it's not his fault, but God it makes me ill to see him. I'm confused... I know my worth isn't in my fighting prowess. I've never cared about losing until I lost to Agile last time... until I saw myself bleed. Then it all hit me. Everything I lost, everything that I'll never be again. There was no way I could live up to the image of Zero that I held myself to. I've been so caught up in the image of me lately... because I haven't been there. I haven't been there for a while now. I felt I'd lost my place here, and the decisive loss to Agile was just confirmation. I am being forced to accept I am no longer Zero... or at least, the Zero I was. But... I never was out to be a hero or a commander. I was just a guy who wanted to help out a fellow outcast. I still am. Responsibility just seems to fall to me. I suppose it's something along the lines of someone has to do it. i don't mind- I like being able to actively help change the world... even if it is little bits at a time. I never want to see Agile cry like that again... I never want to see such a sad look on his face. Especially because of me. I need to talk to him again. I need to tell him all of this that I have been dwelling on. And I need to get him out of these walls. I want to go back to who I was- just a guy trying to help out a friend. But I'm more than that now. I know what it is I have to do to this world, and by God I will make it safe for my best friend's daughter. No matter what.   

>> 
>> Night Vipers, Regal Dragons, and Spartans copyright Red Draco/Nadia Eisner.   
  



End file.
